She fled far away from here.
And there she hides; ashamed.

Because she realised something
About something that had happened.

The pain.
The tears.
The problems.
The loss.
The betrayal.
Even the heart-break.

She realised it was her fault.

Because it was her decision.
It caused everything to die.
She made the biggest mistake of her life,
And it caused the worst destruction.

As he died.

She hides as she can't face what she did.
She can't get over it.

She knew this decision would make it hard
She thought it would be okay
She thought everything would work out
She thought it might be better
She never thought it would cause the end.

That's why she hides.
It's why she's ashamed.

Because it wouldn't have happened
If only she'd not made that decision.

If only, and we'd all still be happy.

And she realises now she broke his heart.
When she made her decision he changed.
It killed him.
You might see him, but it's someone else

It's not a look-a-like
But it's still someone else.

----------------------

And she can't beleive she did it.
And she can't find a way to reverse it.
And she can't find a way to fix it.
And she can't find a way to get over it.
And she can't get her mind past it.
And she can't get over it.
And she doesn't want it to be her fault
And she doesn't know what to do
And she doesn't know how to change it back
And she doesn't know how to make it better
And she doesn't think it's ever going to change.
And she knows it's all her fault.
And she knows it's always been her fault.
And she knows it's never going to stop being her fault
And she knows she has to move on.
And she doesn't want to.
And she still loves him.
And she still wants him.
And she still needs him.
And she thinks about him.
And it kills her to know he's gone.
And it kills her to know he's never coming back
And it kills her to know he's changed.
And it kills her to see his face.
And it kills her to know that it's not him.
And it breaks her heart everytime he touches her
And it breaks her heart everytime he hurts
And it breaks her heart everytime he's sad
And it breaks her heart everytime he's with someone else
And it breaks her heart that she broke his
And it breaks her heart that she knows
And it breaks her heart knowing it's her fault
And it hurts so bad everytime
And she can't beleive she did it
And she doesn't understand why she can't fix it
And it makes her wish she'd never done it
And it makes her wish he'd never met her
And it makes her wish she'd never been in love
...
And it all makes her want him back more.
And it all drives her mad
And it all makes her cry
And it all makes her hurt
And it's all too much
And it was the best
And he was the only one
And now he's gone
And he'll never come back
And it's all because of what she's done.

x Retarded Pants (she writes whilst the Plain White Tees sing "Sad Story" on her music player).

Next up is 'Gives you Hell'. One to be added to the list is:

It gives her hell to see his face. ):
Because truth betold I miss you.

My NaNoWriMo challenge has gone Kaput!

Kaputt I say! Kaput, Kaput, Kaput! [and yes, cluster of three. Clever of me, eh? ;)]

Why? Well, I guess it all started with me not having a good enough plan. [i.e. none at all - ha!] Never mind, but I guess what also clinched me giving up was the fact I got way behind from being busy and having writer’s block; which always is gay.

Then I was ill for 2 days. Friday night was compiled of being involuntarily bulimic (puke, puke, puke) and Saturday was a day of walking around like a zombie in pyjamas. I got a lot of sleep that day and felt better for Sunday but I used it to recover. I also couldn’t be arsed working, I honestly felt like shit, which is never good. So other than having used the weekend up, and wasting it, I was also behind on College assignments but I did some Monday. So I was fine :).

Still, that was last week. Now I got ideas… So many ideas (for something else) and they annoy me. As now I can’t type them up. All I can do is blog.

Blogging is not so bad, however. I think you’ll find it’s quite invigorating. I’m reading too. Got a Terry Pratchett graphic novel (The Colour of Magic and the one after that – I can’t remember it’s name but it says so downstairs) from the library today. Have read the first book and am onto the next. It’s pretty cool.

I read the first few pages of Sourcery, a book by the same author, in the college library Friday. I could have worked but I had the weekend and cba!

It was good; it reminded me of some of my writing, if I tried to be comical. I kind of get a little too serious with some stories. I should try being cool.

I should try being RetardedPants and not Ms.Author.

Still, I have yet to complete the Dr Who book I took out. That or my Doctor Who Fanfiction I started. Staring someone who’s very similar to me they have an interesting twist to them. But you’ll probably have to read to the 20^th-30^th chapter to find out about it. [Because I like to be epic, see.] As well as a very odd pair of shoes – because they are comfy! And we’ve all walked out of the house accidentally wearing them. I know I have – that and a half drunk cup of tea. I took one large gulp and marched back indoors, popped it in the kitchen sink and walked off to get my bus. I felt like an idiot!

And now I must leave you, because I stray any further I will definitely divulge information I’ve not even written down on paper! Which would be annoying if someone stole… and yes, my eyes are glaring at you idea thief!

Shame on you!

Blogging Later – maybe – ;)

Was watching Dirty Little Secrets on Youtube just then...

Anyone got any?

[I have a few...(they're really confessions but as I'm not going to tell anyone [not even my WIFEY who I tell everything to] they're DirtyLittleSecrets) and as you don't actually know me personally, I can tell them you...]

LUUUUST

• We held hands on Friday... Even though he's got a girlfriend.
• He kissed my forehead and my hand a few times... I wanted it to be my lips ><
• I want him... But I'm not sure if it's just because I'm alone.
• I don't want him to be my boyfriend ONLY because of the distance, but I'd never tell him that.
• He's coming over to his mums, who lives nearish to where I am at the moment... I want to be invited over - even if it's only for an hour :( [I want to get him alone ><]

• I don't think this will change when I go see my texting buddy... :'(